Was the biggest waste of $10 EVER. It says something that I liked frocking Spiderman more than I liked this movie and I generally loathe that whiny git. As I walked out of the theatre all I could think was about how I could have spent those three hours of my life downloading porn, jacking off and restructuring my mutual funds account.  I resent any time spent away from masturbating and/or lying around like a beached sea elephant in my hovel reading New York Times Business and weeping tears about how I’m going to be frocking THIRTY when I go back to get my MBA (which will only happen if I get into a Harvard quality school, anyway).

I’m just going to pretend the sequels never happened. The original was cheeky escapist fare with Johnny Depp’s charming performance elevating it from B-movie status to genuine clarrrrr-sic. The sequels are a senseless pastiche of stunts strung together with the intent to capitalise on the original (with as much merchandising as humanly possible). It reminds me of how the first season of Nick and Jessica was downright hilarious because she was a totally unwitting idiot, but every season after that found her trying to ”force” the funny.  Same deal as every subsequent season of The Osbournes.

 Save your money. Go see Knocked Up instead. Even the crabby pinkos at NYT gave it several thumbs up.