So we set a date for a meetup later on this month.

I could have made it next weekend, which was my original plan but…

a) He seems to be very proper and by the book and The Book says he comes to see me first and I’m just shrugging it off and saying “okay”. So this is going down one week later than I would have preferred (mainly because I hate getting e-mailly attached to someone who might not like me) because the tickets are cheaper. Other proper things-he’s just coming for the day. I know this is because he is way too shy to be like “can I just crash on your couch in close physical proximity to your naked body that I would like to be cuddled up against” (well, in my imagination this is what he is too shy to say).

Wah. This means two more weeks of flirting and running home to read my emails and giggly chats and all that means is that if he hates me and thinks I’m an ugly bear that I’m going to be way more disappointed than if he visited this weekend or the weekend after. DETACHED, AM DETACHING…AM NOT GETTING EMOTIONALLY INVESTED.

b) I think it’s crass, when someone who doesn’t make nearly as much money as you, essentially says “let me make the effort and pay out” to then be like “well, hey, you’re making this big gesture but let me make you feel really small by being like ‘if the tickets are too expensive I’ll just come see you’”. Maybe it’s really pre-Friedan of me but I feel like when a man makes a gesture like that his ego is tied up in it a bit and I didn’t want to crush him by reinforcing the fact that I make money and he doesn’t. I mean, we both know that and we both know that once his education is over he’ll make as much as, if not more than me, so why shove that in his face right now? I hate when people shove their money in my face so I don’t like to do it to people I am romantically interested in when we’re aware of the economic disparity.

See that? See how nice I am? I want to get to the “do we like each other in real time” stage NOW but I’m willing to hold off because I want to make him feel good. And call me a non-feminist if you must but I can sense, smell and feel that this boy is sensitive and would feel like crap if I responded to his sweet gesture by saying “I’ll pay, let’s just get it over with.” And as a sensitive person myself…I feel protective towards others I feel are somewhat like me.  

c) If he comes to see me he knows and I know that he will end up pacifying my parents, who live in this country and I’m sure he knows I have been keeping them abreast of developments.

So that’s where we are. Personally I feel like a dungheap because I had a turkey hot dog for lunch and now feel physically ill. I’m going to have some tea and then go lie down.

M.

PS: 4 emailed me before he left for the ’ship. I emailed back and he didn’t respond even though I could see he was online. My impression? He really likes me but his mom and dad want him to see girls on the ’ship, proper Marathi girls, not mixed Konkrathis like yours truly. Ass. Also have the cult leader (supposedly we’re meeting in early Feb) and another doctorate in Dirty Water. Stay tuned.