Did you guys read the latest post at Sweet Juniper? Here, please do…

http://www.sweet-juniper.com/

 Reason Skazillion why I gave up on getting the MBA (which I really, really, really wanted to do for the intellectual aspect).

I just don’t have the stamina anymore. California Bar 2006 exhausted the last of it.

I’m afraid I’ll go back to smoking, stop working out, go back to drinking (drinking isn’t bad, don’t feel I’m judging the tipple, but there is a difference between enjoying a drink once and again and what goes on in the name of escaping graduate school drudgery), gain weight. Leave business school with my health and personal life shot, the way I did law school, and have to pick up the pieces. Impossible when you work a zillion hours a week. I’m so tired of being on a treadmill and feeling like I’m going to die. Right now I’m on the scenic route and do you know that for all the misery I’ve suffered the last three years of my life were 1 kazillion times better than the miserable hell of school and job worries?

Sometimes I wonder what the solution is. I’m happy where I am, comfortable mediocrity as a federal attorney. Is the salary stupendous? No. But I can take care of myself. I could give (1) a kid a nice life all by my lonesome. Those are things to be proud of, I think.

I know no one wants to pay more taxes, that universal healthcare and a bucket of maternity leave would be too expensive (though I still don’t understand how unpaid job protection status for women for up to a year would destroy the fabric of our corporate welfare state…I honestly don’t). But I wonder what people expect of us these days. Stay at home, be the best mom or dad you can be. Is it really that easy? I know everyone says children need love, not stuff. I agree with that. But…don’t children need a good education? Who pays for that? Private schools can be impossibly expensive, and besides, I’m a pretty big proponent of public education (K-JD public myself you guys!). So you try to move to a nice town with a decent public school system (only to find out that it costs well over a half a million in most parts of the country).

How much do those numbers actually costs, in terms of your daily budget? Who pays the  mortgage on that? One salary? How does it work? How are two teachers supposed to make a go of it some place like Cupertino, CA or Wellesley, MA? Or for that matter, even one upper income professional and a SAHM whose hard work/education saves the family a whole bunch of money on childcare/other necessary work (family finances, taxes etc.)? How many people are going to take a gamble on going into something like teaching, journalism, academia in this climate…professions that require extensive education but are lower on the scale in terms of remuneration.

A whole bunch of Ivy League schools just eliminated tuition for kids whose families are WAY above the poverty line. Doesn’t that just weird you guys out?

So this is just a disjointed post but Dutch’s post about what life is like as a corporate lawyer is both sad and accurate and brought up all these feelings for me. It seems like we’re working so hard these days, to get ahead by one inch, like someone is turning the treadmill speed very high without noticing the exhaustion on the face of the runner. There are so many people out there doling advice to people like “suck it up, kids need their parents, get off the treadmill”* while ignoring the fact that it’s one big vicious circle. You live in an area that costs an arm and a leg because that’s where the jobs are, but you have to work like crazy to afford being there. You want your children to go to great schools, but the cost of living is so high, you have to work endlessly to give them that. Everyone tells you education is the way to get ahead so you take the risk and go to get more and more education until you find yourself unable to balance your family life with the debt load that led to the salary increase in the first place.  

I don’t know what the answers are, nor do I think some sort of socialist paradise welfare state is the answer. All I’m saying is that whether you’re a two-income or one-income family, HOW THE FROCK DO YOU GUYS NOT FEEL LIKE YOU’RE DROWNING ALIVE? Is it just something you deal with and move on? Man, your kids must be REALLY adorable and loveable to make up for this sensation of dumbstruck indignation when I think about trying to make it in this country. I have neither the Sperminator nor my Progeny in place, and I already look at the numbers and feel…I don’t know, in awe of how you make it work, I guess.

I guess being relatively responsibility-free, it’s difficult for me to fathom the choices families face on a daily basis. Whatever your (as in you, my parentish readers) personal choices, I just hope your kids get to grow up with the opportunities I had without it being as impossible/difficult to attain as it seems.

ETA: before I hurt ANYONE’s feelings… I want to say,

a) This is not a statement against working families

b) Not a rant against SAHM moms

It’s basically a post about how I feel that families, whatever their choices about two income/one income, just seem STRESSED to the gills these days, and the fact that I think it kind of sucks.

*Coming from a background where my parents prioritised us over work, I do agree with this, as I think it has a LOT to do with my and my sister’s relationship with them, as well as the fact that I stayed out of trouble. That said, I think it’s getting harder and harder to pull off.