After spending an hour trying to find a qualified, decent physician who accepts Aetna HMO, I’ve decided that the single f*cking worst decision I made in my life was to ignore my parents’ entreaties to become a doctor.

Second worst decision (that I am still really pissed about)? Allowing my parents to talk me into buying the cheapest of the cheap contact lenses at Walfrock-which led to 2008 being the Year of the Eye Infections. Which ultimately culminated in a chalazion that has been in my eye since February. Fortunately it’s non visible but I can’t wear contacts and at this point I’m sick of waiting for it to go away on its own.

Hence me trying to find a decent doctor for the first time in the four years since I moved here. I’ll admit that I am awful-because of my robust constitution I only go to the doctor once every couple of years for an antibiotic prescription and I make no effort to get a regular exam or a peek and poke or whatever. I also diligently pay my premiums every month (and my taxes, and my credit card bills, and my student loans…when the frock do I get a bailout??) but come time for me to figure out how to get someone to lance my eye NO ONE WITH A DEGREE FROM AN AMERICAN UNIVERSITY IS ACCEPTING MY FROCKING INSURANCE within 5 miles of my house.

You know what? Choices are wasted on the youth, yo. This is the land of high fructose corn syrup and plenty and I can’t find an American educated doctor to save my life. For all my supposed intelligence and high test scores I basically let rebellion against the ‘rents prevent me from getting in on that racket.

Childrens, listen to your desi parents. Medicine, for the win.

PS: When I was deciding between calling up the doctor named “Claire” and the doctor named “Krystyle,” yes CLAIRE was the one I chose. Except she wasn’t accepting patients and Krystyle is nowhere to be found-the info from Aetna goes to the audix of someone named Mindy, online web searches proved to be fruitless. I finally called the major hospital in Pasadena and found 1 physician willing to accept my plan. I am semi-ashamed to admit this but by gum, I plan to give my kids really really dull names like Asha or Susannah.