Asians seem to be sex selecting for male children.

I swear, this article made me want to bash my head against a wall. I had to breathe into a paper bag.

I know it’s inevitable and that enclaved practices fade with time-but one of the most annoying things about immigrant communities is their inability to leave their more unsavoury cultural practices back on the mothership (even though they often immigrate under the guise of wanting to escape…unsavoury cultural practices).

What struck me most about this article was the sex-selection doctor’s casual indifference to marketing sex selection procedures at Indians. I believe he says something along the lines of cultures being different and this practice isn’t necessarily harmful. Which….HAHAHAHAHA. How would he know? Has he actually lived in a culture of the Boy as the Anointed One as a female? This is EXACTLY like how Unilever markets skin lightening creams in India under the guise of “well it’s their culture and we don’t know why it’s bad lalalala” while sponsoring sanctimonious Dove “Real Beauty” marketing campaigns in the United States.

From my perspective-here is a small list of the amount of damage this practice inflicts on women. I want to note that my sister and I only caught the tail end of my mother’s desire for a male heir-by the time they had us my mother was so desperate for a child that she didn’t care if either of us was a boy or a girl, though my sister has sometimes struggled with the fact that my mother really wanted her to be a boy. Both of us were well aware of the fact that at a certain point in time, if she could have changed one of us into a boy-she would have done so in a New York minute. And that the rest of our family considered my parents failures for not bringing forth at least one male heir. 

Below I’ve listed asinine and psyche (not to mention physical health) damaging behavious that I’ve observed in my extended family as well as other Indian acquaintances. And keep in mind that my father, at least, hails from a reasonably progressive Indian state/urban community where women have been educated for a very long time (in medicine). I can’t imagine what it must be like in the rural, poor states.   

1) The knowledge that you, as a girl, are worth less to your parents compared to your brother. For the REST OF YOUR LIFE. That you had absolutely no control in this matter-that their adoration of your brother was based on which sperm fertilized the egg at the moment of your conception. They love you less, period. And that even at the end of a long life, if you have done everything for them and the son has p*ssied out on his obligations, they’ll die wishing for him while ignoring you and your contributions. And that no matter WHAT you do, you matter less. Period, finis, end of story.  

Yes, that’s not at ALL harmful to one’s self-esteem, Dr. STFU. I’m sure Dr. STFU would be perfectly happy being the Lesser One for the rest of his life.   

2)  That you deserve less education and fewer resources than your brother. And that in the event that there is only a limited amount of financial resources, the majority of those will be allocated to your brother. You will be fed less food, you will be assigned more chores so that you have less time for academic pursuits and if it’s a choice between your college education and your brother’s education-well, a man need education more than a woman-even if you are SMARTER and could have gone further.

3) That you are not entitled to a penny of your parents’ assets. Your brothers will grow up expecting most, if not all of it, and they will get it too.

4) That your birth was a mistake rectified through the “appropriate means” with your brother’s birth.

5) Watching your sisters get aborted until your parents get the son of their dreams. Knowing that only thing that saved you from the same fate was your status as firstborn.

6) If you chooose to marry withing the community- the risk of being treated like cattle to be inspected by your in-laws. The fact that your marriage is seen as a favour and gift being given to you (even if you are a professional yourself). That even after marriage your “lower” social status puts you at risk for abuse, starvation and murder.

7) That your parents face financial bankruptcy at the time of your marriage.

So seriously-please cut me a break with the “lalalala, what’s so wrong about making money off the silly little immigrant people” attitude. I agree that every family does not treat their daughters as badly as I stated above (and bear in mind that only some of that list pertains to my extended relatives). However, I have personally observed each and every instance I listed above-from the serial aborting to the sending of the sons to college and stiffing the girls. However,  even when there’s some attempt to have evenhandedness with finances, the simple fact that girls know that they are loved less is enormously damaging.