Yell-A

My mom pronounces “M” “N” and “L” as “yem” “yen” and “yel” respectively. It was nice to touch down this morning and instantly get a call asking whether I was back in yell-A. Yes, by gum, I am.

Of note, one of the downsides to the long, slow, straight and placid descent into the LA basin is watching yourself climb down into the smog that overhangs the entire city. Seriously, why did I even give up smoking when I choose to live here? And this wasn’t even in one of the Valleys, where I live. LAX is on the West Side, which I always feel has better air on account of the proximity to the ocean winds (in summer I’ll drive down to Santa Monica to get some simple relief).

All that said, it was a relief to be back in seasonless weather but by gum, every time I go home to Massachusetts I just think about how you can drink from the tap.  I never get over that-the ability to just turn the tap and get a cold (icy) fresh drink of H2O. I can’t stand the Colorado river backwash they have as public water out here so I’m mostly on bottled water.

I’m exhausted, y’all. My mom took one look at me, turned to my dad and said “That’s it, it’s over. She’s pushing off the rest of the apps till Round 2 or next year. Just LOOK AT HER.” I suspect the permanently depressed look, weight gain and bags under my eyes (first time in my life) might be a clue that I am DONE DONE DONE with this and am letting the dice fall where they may and moving on. Cagey remarked in the other thread that I have worked my ass off for this and she’s kind of right (also, I’ve been bugging her with morose updates here and there throughout the year, so thanks dude, for listening). I’ve been going going going since March with constant studying, night classes (for maths) and apps and I’m pretty near a physical breakdown. Add in the fact that my job is now pretty stressful and I feel like I’ve had it. Also, part of that (previously) constant depressed look was the thought of having put in all this effort for absolutely no payoff, i.e., no acceptance at a top school.

Of course, now things ARE looking up. I have several interviews, and in all honesty, every school I applied to is considered “elite” by US News and World Report standards so wherever I end up, chances are that I’ll be doing okay after I get out. That said, I REALLY needed some good news to justify the way I’ve tortured myself this year and I got that the day before yesterday so thank you to a) My dad, for reteaching me the fundamental principals of math b) the Universe/Magical Pony for sending down cosmic shakajuku vibes to someone on the Admissions committee at my top 2 schools (including my reach omfg).

Oh, but beyond that…I’m spending Christmas in Vegas! Sparkly-G is coming out for her annual conference on the West Coast and invited me to spend Christmas with her family, so I guess I’ll be sipping on Diet Coke and perusing the outlet malls with her over Christmas break. I’m extra-excited because I finally get to meet her friend J from her Ph.d program, who I have heard all about over the last several years.

By the way, thank you to Kendra for the help on the bike for the triathlon. I don’t want to invest TOO much money into it, but it would be nice to have a semi-decent bike. So I’m going to take up your suggestion and go to Performance Bicycle to check out the entry level goods. I’m not too much of a gearhead about anything, but I’d like to get a bike where the chain doesn’t constantly fall off like the one I had from Wallhell during law school.

Umm, what else? I’m stoked about my interviews and like I said, I’m happy because I’m now about 90% positive that I’ll be going to b-school this year. Finally, I am letting myself dream about wandering around Angkor Wat.

 

Re-attaching

My dream school called me today and asked me to interview.

Then my reach school did. About 5 seconds after.

MY REACH SCHOOL (it’s an obvious one but if you’re one of the people I emailed in all caps lock after I nearly sank in shock on the floor of another undiclosed university, please don’t say which one!).

I am…humbled, blessed, amazed. Also, I guess I’m heavily crazily invested again. But also happy because I know that if not this year DEFINITELY next year. I’ve been wandering around in a haze all day. I know my parents have been proud of me before (they screamed when I walked the plank for my JD) but my they mobbed me at the airport when I flew in from the school I was at today, their beetle black eyes (well, my mom has tea coloured eyes, but my dad has beetle black eyes) gleaming in pride.

Vis-a-vis the rest of my family, I’m kind of  late bloomer…but you guys, I guess this is what “living up to your potential” feels like.

 

Year of the Lazyman

Signed up for a sprint triathlon near Palm Springs in March of 2010. I’ve been wanting to do this for a while-conquer a “lazyman” as I like to call it. I’m not particularly nervous about the swimming or biking but I am rather dreading the running bits. I don’t like running anywhere. Ellipticalling, s’okay. Plodding, well…I’m excellent at plodding. Running, however, gives me an overwhelming sense of “ugh”. Fortunately, the Lazyman only requires me to “run” a 5K and I can easily powerwalk through it if necessary. Hey, finishing is the goal, right?

Part of why I’m doing this is to get my mind off of the business school thing. I mean, you sail around thinking you’ve got a good score and great, unique work experience and then you throw yourself into applications, submit them and after that it’s just one mindfrock day after the next of checking email obsessively and stress-eating, trying to pinpoint why you haven’t been asked to interview yet (for the record, I do have interviews at a couple of places). Then you transition into second guessing your scores, your essays, yourself and sinking into a weepy pile of jiggling flesh every day precisely at 10:45 a.m.

Right now I’m kind of at peace with the fact that my GMAT scores may NOT have been high enough (trust me, they’re high, but I’m desi so I guess they’re expecting a 750+), that I need more participation in extracurriculurs, more going on in my life. So I’m preparing. Not that I’ve given up yet, but I had a few deadlines coming up that I’m passing on to Round 2 after I observe how Round 1 goes for me (mainly because I really like the schools and I don’ t want to go through the hassle of finding new subjects for re-applicant essays). My parents tell me I’m crazy and that I just turned in apps approximately 19 days ago…but I know what’s up. My brother-in-law had 2 day turnaround with an interview request once they sussed out that he had a 790 GMAT score (curse him) and actually, one of the schools I applied to also gave me a 2 day turnaround once I submitted my app…so I figure that the school I really want to go to is just going to ding me in a few.

So…if they want more rounding, I’m rounding. And cutting back on the rapid rounding of my previously svelte figure. I wake up these days and I have ZERO motivation to get on the treadmill, so I’ll be getting on some other things to break up the monotony. A bike. In the swimming pool. 

Come March I’m gonna be adding Quasi-Triathlete to my list of accomplishments.  

And that’s not all-I’ve decided to do some volunteer work (beyond labor rabble-rousing), some mind-expanding travel (combined with volunteer work maybe?) and retake the GMATs if necessary. Considering the fact that I’m acing Calculus and Financial Modelling right now, I think I’ll have more quantitative history and a better background to feel confident in the maths section if it comes to that.

Hey, I was counting on escaping my cell by next year but if I have to fester here for another 365 to make it to a better place, I will. In the meantime, I’m gonna explore the world of spandex and goggles.

PS: anyone got the word on a good bike? I suspect “$50 at Wallhell” is not what I should be going for.

 

Buzzkill

While delivering a check…

So, do you have any cool plans for Halloween? Lots of trick or treaters?

*coldly* Actually, I don’t celebrate the Devil’s Holiday.

Um, yeah, me neither.

Can a simian just get a motherfrocking memo up in here as to who is and  isn’t a debbil-’shipping heathen? I’m tired of all these paw-in-mouth moments of awkwardness.

 

Drowning

42 essays down. 8 to go. Both jobs currently precariously balanced. Managing to get all homework done for 2 math classes.

It’s no wonder I’ve fallen sick.

I just keep telling myself that if all goes well, by next July I’ll be sitting in Sihanoukville watching the water, drinking a mango smoothie and thinking about the fact that my desk job is a world away.

Anticipating cursory posting till the end of the year.

 

They say it’s your birthday!

Happy Birthday To You!

Happy Birthday to the one of the few writers on the internet who combines wit, snark, hilariousness, creativity in her work . If there’s one thing I can say about Ms. Slackmistress is that her edgey humour is never nasty. Folks, that’s not easy-there’s the quasi-stupid snark that proliferates and there’s a kindly raised eyebrow and witty quip. The latter takes more skill and panache to pull off, but Slackmistress does it.

(And no, I don’t know her in real life and have never met her. A girl can admire talent from afar, can’t she?)

Happy Birthday Slack! I hope you have another great year. Congratulations on all of the accomplishments of the last and best of luck with the future!

Monkey

 

Your Cheating Cat

Oh J,

I thought we were exclusive. You would always pull that trick, you know, running and hiding from anyone that wasn’t me, or sometimes my sister, if you confused her for me (don’t sweat it dude, I know you’re down one eye and have chronic feline asthma). And the drama you pull when I leave the door open for you to explore the hallway! You’re Magellan…except until such time there’s a hint that other people live in the building. At which point you turn tail and scurry back to your favourite place. Your Office under the Bed. I know you trade commodities there in the morning, by the way. Your e-brokerage account receipts came in last month. Why are you hiding your fortune from me? That isn’t fair J, making me buy your expensive cat food, when you have plenty of money to buy it for yourself.

So anyway, I thought it was just you and me against the world. Two opposable thumbs, 3 eyes and 1 tail between the two of us.

I was wrong.

I knew something was up when that girl approached me in the hallway. Does orange cat belong to you?, she asked me oh-so-sweetly. I was taken aback. Had you escaped somehow? Were you cowering some place in the hallway, unable to find your way around the corner to our lair?

She continued. Oh, I love talking to him through your window. He puts his paw up when he sees me.

 Oh.

Really? You put your paw up to her through the window? Like, really really? Because I thought you didn’t even like people to look at you. Now I find out that you’re carrying on some sort of prison visit correspondance with blondie through the dining room window. Does she bring you grape juice to make Prune-o?

And it didn’t end there, J. Some other dude was walking by my apartment as I lumbered out and he goes…you must belong to my buddy orange cat! And then, he waved “hi” at you because you were lolling about playing with my shoelaces near the door and what do you do but turn tail and slink away to your office under the bed. That’s not very mature, J. You were caught red-pawed. Own up to it like a man. Or a cat whose testicles have been surgically removed. Oh and ps, you guys are BUDDIES?

I want you to know that it’s okay. I’m openminded and evolved about these things. You want to have congenial relationships with other people in the building, fine? Don’t lie and say you were only keeping tabs on them because you were protecting our home from thieves. It’s okay to want to talk to other people.

As long as you’re just doing it through the dining room window.

 

Baby Name Suggestions I Have Helpfully Made To My Coworker in the Last Month

You know how people are always stump posting about how their co-workers are super interested in putting their oar in about The Baby’s Name, like their co-workers’ need consider to figure it out happens to be the central focus of their lives?   

Well, Mentos and I have made a point to do exactly that, except with added helpful baby name suggestions and offers to throw down a $20 (Federal limits on donations) if she gives us a shareholder stake in her new kid. Just to show Standusky how much we love her and also to amuse the shit out of ourselves. What can I say. We’re hoping to drive her to the pregnancy message boards to bitch about us I guess (if she hasn’t already).  

1) Azrael

2) Judas

3) Jesus (we suggested 2 and 3 together as the “J” twins)

4) Google (to dilute impact of googlestalking)

5) Beelzebub

6) Mephistopheles

7) Homunculus

Banana

9) Sua Sponte

10) *

11) Madonno

12) Obama

13) Jefferson Airplane

14) Giant

15) Ambrose

16) Martyr

18) Nero

19) Res Ipsa Loquitor

20) ULie

What awesome baby name suggestions have you guys made to your co-workers?

 

Nice Things

1) Not sure if I ever talked about this but my Birkin Bag photo, which Cagey published on her blog a while back (I had snapped it just for her), was published in the Schmaps “Vegas Guide”. Schmaps seems to be sort of like mapquest…but with photos, so you can download it on to your smartphone and use it to help you when you’re on a self-guided walking tour (or something). I find the concept kind of cool and it’s not like I was emotionally attached to the photo or anything, so when they emailed me saying that I had been shortlisted I was like “yeah, go ahead, use it.” They credit you, which is nice. Although I noticed that they put it in the wrong location-the purse in question was located in the new Wynn building, Encore but they’ve attributed it to the Hermes store in the Bellagio.

2) I sort of suspected this would happen, but my essays for the remainder of the schools are going much much much faster. Which, thank gods, because I’m turning in 5 applications early since I’m across the country for a training the week that they’re all due. The first school I had to turn in asked me such b-school standard topics that I haven’t really had to think too much to write essays for other schools. There are a couple of schools that have thrown me left-of-field assignments (audio uploads, vague, give us a work that you feels “defines you” type stuff) but for the most part, the experiences I picked out to talk about in School 1’s essays match up with every other school. Bog-standard mba topics include

*Your long-term and short-term goals and why the school is right for you

*An instance of failure

*An instance where you displayed creativity, or your most important work project to date

*Accepting feedback

And the like. One thing that does change from school-to-school is word count limits. Some schools are generous, which allowed me to get creative and really work to indicate that I have a good command of language, and then some schools are stingggggggggy. As in, “here’s a really broad topic about your most significant accomplishment and PS, you have a 250 word limit.” 500, or 750-1000 seems to be about the standard requirement.

In short, yes, the schools all have different essays and you *will* have to do seperate work on each one (and keep in mind that when I say “much faster” I mean only 3 hours per essay as opposed to 9-12) but it’s much faster when you already have certain turns of  phrase and ideas that you need to communicate laid out or mapped in prose. But it is hard, hard, hard. That’s all I can say. I whined about it below but I neuroticise over each word and I spend a lot of time thinking about whether something I’ve said comes off presumptuous or whatever. For instance, I’ve had a lot of unique experiences as a result of working at the crossroads of finance and public service…which is a point I really wanted to communicate. Because yes, there are those kids that do stuff like establish non-profits in Tajikistan to help kids go to school and such but I really wanted to communicate stuff like “well, I get to work with Deutsche and some of the country’s biggest banks, but in a public service sector.” But you can’t just be like “well, I’m a do-gooder but keep in mind that unlike some do-gooders I’m way more intimately aware of financial stuff.” I mean, trust me, distinguishing yourself from the herd without putting down the herd is not as easy as it sounds.

Also, the first app requires you to spend hours doing stuff that you don’t have to do for other schools-like reword your resume, find some place to scan your transcripts/diploma at really really low resolution that’s still legible and meets the school’s upload limits (a gigantic headache), which is probably another reason it goes faster.

3) I sent my labour organization one of my essays (I’ve been involved with organized labour for a pretty long time) and everyone loved it. So it has been forwarded on to the national organization and I don’t know…they might publish it or something? Sounds cool. I’m happy they like it.

4) I had a really nice conversation with Cagey recently (I think it was this weekend…I’m beginning to lose track of time) which…hilarious. She was listening to me talk about doing all this stuff for schools and mentioned something like “gosh, I’m glad my state school never made me do all this stuff,” paused and then was like “well, maybe I did write an essay somewhere along the line,” and we both started laughing because Arun and Anjali have STOLEN her memories, yo. I couldn’t help being like “dude, with an MA and a CPA I assure you that you wrote at least ONE essay.”

But here’s the thing-I know where she’s coming from. The tech revolution has been a blessing in so many ways but it also means that schools are demanding more more more more more these days. I have no idea whether or not b-schools have always been this detail oriented, but I will tell you that I did not have to write this much stuff for *any* of the law schools I applied to. And I’m not just talking about the essays, which by the way, we did only have to write 1 or 2 essays back in the day so I sympathize with it slipping Cagey’s mind, but the sheer amount of stuff you have to communicate about *you*. Yo, when I applied to law school, which was ohhhhh seven years ago, it was a form. Which I TYPED. And it was something like two pages. 

Now? I’m answering screen after screen of personal information. It’s like filling out the bar apps (yeah, you have to apply to even sit) over and over again. One school wanted to know every job I’ve held for the last 8 years.  Which, thank ye kindly gods I’m in my 30s and their request places me past having to think about all those temp positions. I cannot imagine being 25 and having to think about jobs from the age of 17 onwards.    

5) Something I’ve been angsting about is failing at this. Not getting a single interview and not getting into any school. It’s a tough year folks. I’m well placed in terms of scores and gpas and work experience but…this is nerve wracking. I also remember what it felt like when I failed the California Bar…the subtle pleasure people took in it. The way people from work knew about how I passed Illinois and California thereafter (one after the other) because THEY were checking for my name on the pass rolls before I was. I know my family and people like Mentos wouldn’t take any pleasure in it (or my friends from labour, who are dolls, dolls) but I know the sense of satisfaction people feel when someone Type A like me f*cks up. It’s a nasty sentiment and the fact is that you can’t live your life by it but it SUCKS.

And you know what? They’ll do it again. And if it comes to that it will probably hurt again. But you know what? Frock all of them-I’d much rather be out there trying and living my life than sitting on my a$$ snickering at people who try. If not this year, then next year.

Ain’t no one going to keep a monkey down.

 

Not Quite Dead Yet

1)

I am finally finally finally done with essays for the first school. Fortunately, many of the essay questions run along the same lines so I expect the remaining 46 to go more smoothly! I was complaining to my father that after the drudgery of GMATs, applying to the schools would be downright fun. Not so much. It’s pretty much still drudgery. Part of the problem is that I am a slooooooow writer. Fortunately, by the time I’m done, I rarely need to edit.

Yesterday it took me from 9-8 to write a 1000 words. In fairness, I feel like my personal statements are a very important part of my applications. I did extremely well on the GMATs (especially for an unconventional candidate), I have good work experience…but. There’s always a but. I have atrocious grades from undergrad, and looking back at my transcripts 9 years out of school I want to kick myself. My alma mater is in a country that lacks a tradition of GPA padding but…still. I’m not tooting my own horn here-but I’m decently academically gifted. Not a genius in terms of creativity like my dad (I will tell you a secret about why he’s like that. Arrogance. He feels the laws of science don’t apply to him) but at least he gifted me with his photographic memory. I can’t believe….cannot believe I threw away the opportunities I had back then. I’ve said it before but I’ll plaintively say it again-the biggest mistake I made was not going to school five minutes from my house at Brandeis.

Recently I asked my father how he got through the age of 14-22 for me. He was like “I prayed a lot.”

My GPA is above a 3, thank gods, but not by much. My grades from law school are signicantly (and I mean SIGNIFICANTLY) better but it’s still law school. It was graded on a curve. I graduated cum laude but I worry about how that’s going to look next to the summas people collected during undergrad. Also, I was so burnt out from being Tracy Flick during high school that I didn’t really do all the activities kids do during college-like clubs and whatnot. By the time I got to law school, studying became more important than being president of Beer Darts so ya know, I feel embarrassed when I only write in one or two clubs in the sections reserved for “extracurriculur clubs”.

So for me, the essays feel crucial because I feel like I don’t have “President of the Trumpet Club” to add on to all those little boxes in the application and I am seriously worried that President of Beerpong means that you have good networking skills and are therefore more qualified to attend business school than a legal goblin. I feel I have the work experience, test scores and my LAW gpa on my side but I’m worried about the undergrad part and the lack of…organized hobbies. As a result, I torture myself over every word, continually scrap and redraft the essays and basically make myself crazy. Oh yeah, and I’m concurrently enrolled in 2 math classes so I’m more or less out of my mind.

One thing that really chaps my hide is how people act like it’s so freaking easy to do these things-like laboriously recapture 13 years of not taking math, get through 50 essays, the whole grad school application procedure basically. I was recently talking to someone who was very breezy about it, like this individual was all “I mean, I just don’t get why it took you so long to take the GMATs, I was able to study for the GREs pretty easily.” I mean, what is that supposed to say to me…that I’m stupid? Secondly, what do your GREs have to do with my test anyway? They’re not exactly analogous exams. Better yet, this individual had never managed to actually SIT for the GREs because yo, there is a difference between studying and sitting. I think there’s a certain group of people out there who think everything anyone else does is soooooooo easy and the only reason they’re not getting off their a** to do X, Y and Z is because they just haven’t gotten around to it yet, but that if they did, they’d do it better than you. Which, I am kind of f*cking at the point in my life where if anyone implies that to me again I will straight up cut them out of my life. The funnest thing I’ve had going on since March…MARCH…is work.

2)

One thing I am excited as heck over in regard to b-school? Travelling. You know, I felt like I had to get my travel on before I went to school but really all the schools have organized getaways that go on constantly. They’re called treks and they’re basically like vacations the schools get together for you. I think the point is to bond really closely with your class and such. It made me sad that we didn’t have anything cool like that in law school. I like the fact that b-schools seem to be more or less on the case method (since I’m very comfortable with this, obviously) but I feel like the teamwork class solidarity stuff could have been emphasized a little bit more in law school. Anyway, hope you all had good weekends so I can live vicariously through you lot.